Sunday, February 23, 2014

It's not you, it's me...

When someone declares “It’s not you, it’s me,” is it really?  What level headed human being believes that?  Yes, I would love to give you the blame.  You’re right, it is you.  
Is this generic line a cop out that men use because they think that it is a nice way to end things without looking like an asshole?  An unembellished explanation to slide out of someone’s world without being the bad guy.  When you think about it that way, the avoidance to not appear to be the bad guy, this simple sentence is extremely selfish.     
           I think it’s natural to overanalyze the most impersonal, cliché break-up line ever when you're on the receiving end, and I also think it’s natural to list every single possible thing could be stopping the other person from having the best experience ever with you.  If he says it’s him, let’s list everything wrong with him.  It helps the psyche to accentuate every single negative quality. 
           Hypothetically... You have commitment issues (who doesn't).  You are intimidated by me because I have my shit together.  My schedule is too busy and you feel inadequate because yours isn’t and you don’t want to try to fit into mine or let me fit you in.  (There’s also the immature thoughts that may cross my mind like you’re gay.)  You are really awkward, especially when giving a hug.  You don’t look at your phone for twenty-four hours (yes, that is a negative quality in the dating world of 2014).  You used to be fat.  
           But then, naturally as human beings, aren’t we usually most hard on ourselves?  There’s no way that someone would end things because of their own issues, it has to be something we did.  I believe deep down everyone is looking for that person to spend their life with, even if they don’t realize that’s what they’re looking for.  They may, at the moment, just be looking for someone to share their stuff with, like that person you call or text when something horrible, maddening, hilarious, or perfect happens in your regular day.  Or to go get brunch with on Sunday mornings.  Or to text when they’re tipsy.  But essentially, most of us don’t want to be alone, so regardless of how fantastic our single life may be and how independent we may be (to a fault) we still are looking for the ying to our yang.
          So if we think of it that way, then it’s not him, it’s me.  This is when it gets scary.  What is it about me that made someone who I seemed to connect with run the other way (before he even really knew my negative qualities).  This is one of the hardest things for me to do. I am a titled by others a positive being, it is unnatural to nitpick my negatives or even if I don’t think they’re negative, what someone may not like about me.
           If it’s not me, it’s them, do I believe them?  Do I think, yes I’m pretty awesome and you’re never going to be on my level?  Or, do I go into that deep, dark, twisted place, past Alice in Wonderland, and really dig, evaluate, and revise who I am and what I’m all about?  Help!  

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