Monday, February 24, 2014

Juan on Juan

Like many of us who tune in every Monday to watch Latin heartthrob, Juan Pablo, I kind of wish I didn't.  This season has been more frustrating than previous seasons because of the need for subtitles- but the jokes my girlfriends can come up with using the word "Juan" have been completely entertaining.  I decided that there's a balance of positives and negatives when it comes to Juan-ing to watch The Bachelor weekly.

Juan (1).  I have major issue with the lack of teeth brushing.  I believe there is something fundamentally wrong with making out with 2-6 members of the opposite sex in one night without brushing your teeth in between.  I think maybe The Bachelor organization could team up with Crest as a sponsorship and show Juan brushing in between make out sessions.

2.  I have major issue with the friendships between the girls in the house.  I don't believe it is natural nor healthy to befriend the multiple girlfriends of your boyfriend (and I use that term loosely).  Those who practice polygamy would disagree- something special about the sister-wives - but I really feel bad for these girls who get home from their Juan-on-Juan dates and have no one to discuss the date with except his other "girlfriends".  Also, even though some of the friendships seem genuine, how is that possible?  One of the other girls from Sean's season was in his wedding, standing as one of Catherine's bridesmaids... WTF?

3.  I have major issue with the language barrier.  Even though Juan is technically bilingual (why do they need so many subtitles then?), the confusion during conversation causes much more making out... which brings me back to the teeth-brushing issue.  Also, he is missing out on the girls who are really effective communicators and have interesting ideas and stories to tell.  Basically, this explains why some of the crazies... okay one crazy... is still there.

Support (strangely)
Juan (1).  I support judging by appearance.  It's life.  After high school and college it's nearly impossible to decide you like someone because of their charming personality first.  In high school and college we are spoiled with the opportunity to get to know people in class, on sports teams, who sit at our lunch table, who are friends with our friends... etc.  You can grow to like someone because they are really funny, good to their friends, really smart or hardworking, and then you slowly start to find them attractive.  It's one of those stupid things that we don't realize how awesome it is until it's gone.  So now... we must... judge the book by the cover.

2.  I support the cat fights.  Some people probably found the fight between Clare and Nikki uncomfortable and awkward.  I found it open and honest (and was totally Team Nikki).  I would much rather see the cat fights than the friendships.  Feels more organic to me.

3.  I support traveling.  For free.  With a professional photographer.  Who wouldn't?  Bring a journal, a camera, and who cares if Juan juans you in the end!

Sunday, February 23, 2014

It's not you, it's me...

When someone declares “It’s not you, it’s me,” is it really?  What level headed human being believes that?  Yes, I would love to give you the blame.  You’re right, it is you.  
Is this generic line a cop out that men use because they think that it is a nice way to end things without looking like an asshole?  An unembellished explanation to slide out of someone’s world without being the bad guy.  When you think about it that way, the avoidance to not appear to be the bad guy, this simple sentence is extremely selfish.     
           I think it’s natural to overanalyze the most impersonal, cliché break-up line ever when you're on the receiving end, and I also think it’s natural to list every single possible thing could be stopping the other person from having the best experience ever with you.  If he says it’s him, let’s list everything wrong with him.  It helps the psyche to accentuate every single negative quality. 
           Hypothetically... You have commitment issues (who doesn't).  You are intimidated by me because I have my shit together.  My schedule is too busy and you feel inadequate because yours isn’t and you don’t want to try to fit into mine or let me fit you in.  (There’s also the immature thoughts that may cross my mind like you’re gay.)  You are really awkward, especially when giving a hug.  You don’t look at your phone for twenty-four hours (yes, that is a negative quality in the dating world of 2014).  You used to be fat.  
           But then, naturally as human beings, aren’t we usually most hard on ourselves?  There’s no way that someone would end things because of their own issues, it has to be something we did.  I believe deep down everyone is looking for that person to spend their life with, even if they don’t realize that’s what they’re looking for.  They may, at the moment, just be looking for someone to share their stuff with, like that person you call or text when something horrible, maddening, hilarious, or perfect happens in your regular day.  Or to go get brunch with on Sunday mornings.  Or to text when they’re tipsy.  But essentially, most of us don’t want to be alone, so regardless of how fantastic our single life may be and how independent we may be (to a fault) we still are looking for the ying to our yang.
          So if we think of it that way, then it’s not him, it’s me.  This is when it gets scary.  What is it about me that made someone who I seemed to connect with run the other way (before he even really knew my negative qualities).  This is one of the hardest things for me to do. I am a titled by others a positive being, it is unnatural to nitpick my negatives or even if I don’t think they’re negative, what someone may not like about me.
           If it’s not me, it’s them, do I believe them?  Do I think, yes I’m pretty awesome and you’re never going to be on my level?  Or, do I go into that deep, dark, twisted place, past Alice in Wonderland, and really dig, evaluate, and revise who I am and what I’m all about?  Help!  

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Typical twenty something conundrum

I woke up to a text this morning asking for my address.  Most of us twenty somethings are used to these texts.  I'd say half of us don't have permanent addresses because we don't own homes yet, so even if the person asking knew our address for Christmas cards, it is possible it has changed since then.  This text also means only one thing now that the holiday season is over: we should find a "Save the Date" in our mail box within the next month.

This text never irks me, it always excites me.  As you know if you've read my posts before, I love weddings.  I love everything about them especially the cake, the dancing, and the booze.  I have met many fabulous people at the weddings I've been to in the past couple years and I honestly think it's a huge honor when someone invites me to share that day with them.

I know what you're thinking... If she loves weddings so much why is she writing about this inane text question?

Answer:  The sender of the text is my ex-boyfriend's college roommate, who I absolutely adore.  I have kept in contact with him post-college, and I honestly believe he likes me way better than said ex-boyfriend.  I wasn't expected to be invited, but as I said, what an honor!

I didn't tell you the rest of the text.  It also said, "We are inviting (insert favorite expletive here... my favorite begins with an "F" and I like to put it as an adjective to face...) too.  We don't know if he is coming, but we totally understand if you don't want to come because he is going to be there."

Well shit.  This poses a major conundrum.  If I don't go does that send the message that I wasn't comfortable running into FF?  Could I plan a vacation that weekend, therefore not be able to go?  Should I even assume that FF would even attend, given that he is so selfish?  Do I kick my diet into high gear and look like a million bucks and show up with a really hot date?

What is it about this one person who has been removed from my life for almost five years now that at the mention of his god forsaken name, I can't focus on a single thing at work today?  Do we all have such a person, who at the mention of their name we are sent into a mental tailspin?  Please tell me I'm not alone.  And what am I going to do about this invitation?  Oh my.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

I believe

I believe good things come to those who wait.
I believe that spelling doesn’t show intelligence.
I believe in dark chocolate, black coffee, and red wine.
I believe in forgiveness.
I believe in respecting your parents.
I believe in fostering relationships.
I believe in letting go of things that are bringing you down.
I believe in forgetting.
I believe in vacations, parties, and long lunches with friends.
I believe in making memories.
I believe in seven hours of sleep (at least).
I believe in sleeping in.
I believe hitting the button makes the elevator come faster.
I believe family is everything.
I finally believe my sister is my best friend.
I believe it is important to see both sides of every issue.
I believe that sunshine is a drug.
I believe in comfort food.
I believe that education is everything.
I believe if you have high expectations, people will rise to meet them.
I believe in naps.
I believe that money makes your comfortable, but not happy.
I believe you make time for everything that matters.

What do you believe?
This was inspired by NPR's This I Believe series: